You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
