Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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