I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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