My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
