just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
