i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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