im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
