I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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