my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
