is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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