i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
