headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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