you traded sex for a burrito?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
