I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
not ubering you a puppy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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