I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
