there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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