God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
