I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
