It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
