apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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