I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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