So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
