Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
