I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
