yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
