i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
