had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This house was built for laser tag.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
