Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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