so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
