I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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