and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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