The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
