You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
