you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
