Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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