i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
