My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need a beard to bite.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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