I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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