Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
