im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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