i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
vagina is talking i cant
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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