Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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