rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In other news, I just burned my penis
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
