new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dick very happy bro
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
