I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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