Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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