I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
