is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
