did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
