What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
