Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
