Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
