and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
