whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
