And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
