he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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