So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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