I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
