just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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