I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am naked and annoyed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
