Quick, to the slutcave!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
