Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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