I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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