When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
