mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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