You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
