Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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