Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
