Plan B is the new Plan A
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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